That’s What She Wed

Is change really a good thing?
August 25, 2008, 1:38 am
Filed under: Uncategorized

Today I heard 90% of women change their last name when they get married. That’s a lot of name changes. Now, I definitely feel like it’s a personal decision and I respect what other people choose to do, but I don’t want to change my last name. To me, it seems like I would be giving up a chunk of my identity for a man. I thought marriage was supposed to be about two people coming together to form an equal partnership. It seems like giving up my last name is a great way to start things off on an unequal foot. Didn’t women originally start changing their last name when they were considered the property of their husband? This doesn’t seem like the best tradition to keep around.

There are no good solutions to this debate. If you change your last name, you give up part of your heritage and identity. If you keep your last name, there can be issues with naming children if you have any. If you hyphenate, then it becomes a pain in the ass, because people get confused. Also, what are 2 hyphenated named people supposed to do when they get married or have kids? Have 4 last names? Keeping your last name and making it a middle name seems silly too. First of all, nobody ever uses middle names and second of all, it seems to defeat the purpose of having your surname represent your heritage. Making a new name all together seems pretty ridiculous too for the same reason as making your maiden name a middle name-your surname really wouldn’t represent where you came from.

I don’t know the answer, but I can tell you I will be keeping my last name and my kids will have it too (if I choose to have any). My fiancé doesn’t care if I change my name, but he wants to keep his and if we have kids, he wants them to have his last name too. I guess we have a compromise to make.

What are your thoughts on the name change debate?

-Blushing Bridezilla


4 Comments so far
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My inner feminist totally agrees with you, Blushing Bridezilla. And I feel sorry for those kids who end up with more names than they can handle. But, on the other hand, the tradition thing is kinda nice. I say go with whatever you feel comfortable with. Best of luck to you and your fiance!

And, great site!

Comment by kendallmarie

Great comments on the patriarchal tradition of wife owning. Don’t let social pressure make you give up your identity.

Comment by been there

I agree. I will not be changing my name for the same reasons, and my fiance is totally cool with it. I’m surprised when people don’t understand why I would keep my name.

Comment by Rebecca

I am married to my second husband, and as a woman who has been divorced with kids, keeping your name and hyphenating the kids actually keeps things “clean”. Their name reflects their heritage (mother and father), names don’t change upon divorce…or remarriage. Not that a bride wants to think about divorce 🙂

Comment by nakedanarchists

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